Top 10 (or so) Professors New Year’s Resolutions.

1. “I’m going to learn how to say ‘Stop &#!@ texting during my &*$# class!’ in several different languages.”

2. “This year, for sure…no more ‘nodding off’ during department meetings.”

3. “I’ll think I’ll show more hour-long videos during class.”

4. “I’m thinking about answering the door during my office hours.”

5. “I really have to stop taking longer smoke breaks than my students.”

6. “I’m going to try to stop swearing at those people who work in the @%*!# Information Technology department!”

7. “I’m going to start prepping for class.”

8. “I’m going to stop taking the elevator when I have a class on the 2nd floor.”

9. “I’m going to convert all my exams to a multiple choice format.”

10. “I’ll try to stop smashing my students cellphones with a sledgehammer…but I can’t make any promises.”

11. “Next semester, I will promptly respond to everyone’s emails, hopefully within a three-week period.”

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