Top 10 (or so) ways to try to boost your world university rankings.

– Create your own on-campus TV reality series called, ‘Professor Judy’. “The students are real. The exams are real. The marks are final. This is Professor Judy!”

– Try sucking up to ‘Times Higher Education’ by screen printing their logo on top of all your mortar boards for free.

– Don’t reveal the results of the quality of your student academic scoring levels under ANY circumstances.

– Offer ‘Free Beer for a Year’ to all incoming first year students.

– Take off all the videos on Youtube that are showing your professors smashing a student’s cellphone during class.

– Create a total re-branding strategy by hiring rock star Gene Simmons as college president who will then change the name of your college to something cool like ‘KISS-U’.

– Encourage faculty to submit research articles that they wrote after 1982.

– Mention the ‘3 click rule’ to your Webmaster.

– Lock your smartest professor in a basement lab at the college until he/she creates something that will win a Nobel Prize.

– Offer a free online course to the world’s billionaires. Immediately upon passing that course, showcase them in all of your marketing materials as being one of your ‘Alumni Billionaires’!

– Focus your curriculum on Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math (STEM) instead of Striptease, Tabouleh-making, Elvis sighting strategies, and Miley Cyrus ‘twerking’ skills.

– Increase your Google ranking and website hits by adding the word ‘sex’ to your college site url.

 

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Ten (or so) websites professors should know about.

  1. The Times Higher Education- http://www.timeshighereducation.co.uk/
  2. Huffington Post- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/education/
  3. Higher Education Strategy Associates- http://higheredstrategy.com/ Can subscribe to their ‘One thought to start your day’.
  4. Canadian Journal of Higher Education- http://ojs.library.ubc.ca/index.php/cjhe
  5. Rate My Professors- http://www.ratemyprofessors.com/ Don’t take it personally. I’d be more interested on what’s said on their Facebook pages.
  6. College Humour- http://www.collegehumor.com/ Keep on top of what today’s college students consider to be funny. 18+ ‘viewer discretion advised’ for some of the content.
  7. The Chronicle of Higher Education- http://chronicle.com
  8. Quotes about college- http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/college.html
  9. The Teaching Professor Conference- http://www.teachingprofessor.com/ This year (2012) will be held in Washington, D.C.
  10. “Community” TV series about life at a community college. You’ll get some laughs from it! Great characters and you’ll recognize many of the actors. You can go to You Tube and see the trailer at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBCE9oIuN24
  11. Edutopia – a great site for keeping on top of what is happening with students in the classroom before they get to college. http://www.edutopia.org/ 

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