‘HIGHUR Education’ cartoon by Phil Jones: Introducing the Characters

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Disclaimer: All characters appearing in this cartoon are fictitious.

Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

So, get over it.

Professor Albert Beerstein: Tenured; Experienced; Intelligent; Has ‘seen it all’; Treats all of his students with respect; Admits students of today sometimes baffle him; Will offer to teach part-time after retirement…for free.

Obi the T.A.: The genius African Grey talking parrot; Professor Beerstein’s all-knowing oracle; Student’s favourite Teaching Assistant; Sarcastic; Observant; Secretly wishes he was human despite thinking most humans are stupid.

President Edison: Unquestionably, the ‘Captain of the College Ship’; An ‘Ideas Man’; Brilliant mind; Socially awkward in large groups; Nice guy; Low-key; Won’t hesitate to fire incompetent staff. Will most likely be seen on an Alaskan cruise upon retirement.

V.P. Li: Vice-President; Career-oriented; Works on holidays; Consistently receives ‘outstanding’ performance reviews; Tries to accomodate everyone; Respects hierarchy; Never seen losing her temper, in spite of dealing with several ‘personality-challenged’ people during the course of a given day; Will most likely go on stress leave in the future.

Director Hammer: No-nonsense attitude; Has climbed and broken every rung of the corporate ladder to get where she is; Shows no emotion because she was born without an ‘amygdala’ in her brain; Gets the job done at all costs.

Dean Combover (pronounced like the hair style): ‘Friendliness Shows Weakness’ is his motto; Wrinkle-free face because he has never smiled…ever.; A master at delegating tasks; Wonders why administrators always stop talking and laughing as he approaches them in the staff lounge; Car bumper sticker reads, “The more people I meet, the more I like my iguana!”

Chair Presley: Respected and well-liked by all faculty and students; Has a mutual love/hate relationship with the Union; Advocate for persons with disabilities; Feared by the college ‘Occupational Health and Safety Committee’ as well as the ‘Space Planning Office’; Some call him the ‘Chuck Norris’ of the college.

Kevin (Head of I.T.): Closet has one short-sleeved white shirt; Often seen dressed up as an action hero at ‘Comic Con’ and ‘Anime’ conventions; Parents thought his first word spoken was “does” when, in fact, it was “DOS”; Watches ‘Coronation Street’ for the ‘edge of your seat’ storyline; Has secretly developed a software program that will revolutionize the college registration system, but is patiently waiting for the right moment to “unleash my power!”.

Ann Administrator: A true ‘multi-tasker’; Never misses a deadline, so don’t miss her deadline; Her frontal lobes account for 80% of her brain matter; She hates the quote, “If you want something done, give it to a busy person.”; Looks forward to faculty going on vacation; Was an octopus in another life.

Professor Royal Payne III: Tenured; Pompous; British ancestry; Highly-educated, even for ‘Higher Education’ standards; Family tree has a long line of scholars;  When told he was voted ‘worst professor’ by students on a professor rating website, he responded, “I care…but not that much.”; Reads Union newsletters front to back; Union meetings are his favourite social function; Convinced that the song, “Bloody Well Right“, by Rock band ‘Supertramp’, was written for him…a Civil Harassment Restraining Order (CHO) remains in effect; Did I mention, ‘pompous’?

Professor Philberta: Tenured; Modest about ‘Mensa’ membership; Dedicated to student success; Tried ‘Hot Yoga’ once but found it too uncomfortable while wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants; Will ponder for hours and possibly shed a tear before giving an ‘F’ to a student; On her office desk she keeps a picture of her parents, her dog ‘Max’, and a box of 3-ply facial tissue.

Instructor Hobson Jobson: Non-tenured, but trying hard to get rid of the ‘non’ part; International experience; Students enjoy his stories about his worldly experiences, however, during the same semester, he’s known to repeat and change some of the details of a story…students still think he’s cool.

Union Jack: Tough S.O.B; Ruthless; Had the ability to grow a beard at age 9; Had a long-time friend working at the college who moved into management…he immediately ‘terminated’ the friendship; Reads Union contracts for enjoyment; Favourite book,’The Art of War’ by Sun Tzu; Approachable…just make sure its from the front.

Joe Stunt, Coordinator: Tenured; ‘The College Martyr’; Constantly struggles to find a balance between his teaching and administrative duties; Believes that the quality of education must never be compromised, although sometimes at his own detriment; A ready supply of ibuprofen and antacids is kept in his desk drawer; Finds dealing with students enjoyable, however, dealing with their ‘helicopter parents’, not so enjoyable; Biggest challenge he faces is to find someone crazy enough to volunteer to do his job; Will retire as a Coordinator.

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